so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
