i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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