At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
