Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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