i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
