we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
