I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
