We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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