Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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