I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i don't like sucking hair
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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