Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
