The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
