dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
