How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
