I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
