so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
