Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
