My sheets look like a crime scene.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
