dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
