paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
