Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
