You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
