my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
