i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
