Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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