Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
