Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
