I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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