is your mom at the bar?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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