i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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