There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
