Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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