He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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