Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
