Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
