piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
