I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just puked most of my soul out..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
