After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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