I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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