My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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