I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize