he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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