If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
