She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
