I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
