i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
