it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
