Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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