we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
