Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
