Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She bit a glass in half.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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