People in love make me want to vomit
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
