Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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