Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize