I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
