I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
