i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
