I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
