Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
