Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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