so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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