I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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