I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
