Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm getting married
To pizza
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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