Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
