its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
